Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
North Korea, Best Korea!
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
