I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
