its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
