so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
