I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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