the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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