We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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