its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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