my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
