Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Randomize
