Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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