This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
