whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
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