You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Randomize
