omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
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