And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
