Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
You've changed since you got that strap on
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
