Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
