Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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