I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
