Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Floor bacon is actually really good
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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