I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
