The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
did i just pee glitter
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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