Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
