We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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