I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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