I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
