Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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