i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
