And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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