I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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