i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
