the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
That was an excessively violent trivia night
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
