did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Randomize
