I'm jealous of your bromance
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
