Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
