Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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