Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
