you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
