if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
