if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
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