first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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