As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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