He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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