maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
