I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
