dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
