Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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