I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I'm like, not good at living.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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