We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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